Another Tuesday...

Tuesday was always the worst day of the week. Monday meant a fresh start, Wednesday was the halfway mark, Thursday was almost Friday, and Friday was just Friday. Tuesday seemed to have a haze of monotony over it the way fog hangs over a calm lake, except not as peaceful. Of course, Tuesday only came this way back when I was stuck. Stuck in a full time job behind a desk, stuck in a house in my home town, and stuck in a routine that made me feel way older than 21 years. I remember wondering if this would be it for the rest of my life, hoping it wasn't. Although daily visits with my family made me feel safe and comfortable, I still knew there had to be more out there for me to see. I hadn't finished college, and feelings of failure were not uncommon for this reason. I want to be able to tell my kids that their mom did finish college, she does have an education, it is important. But not only that, I found myself craving a sense of accomplishment, something that seemed to be drifting further and further away from me as each day passed. I remember the day I committed. I stood in that little house after doing the daily tasks that it took to maintain a household, something that I did enjoy and took much pride in. But something inside me that day just cracked. I felt myself almost literally throw my hands up in surrender and from that day on I never once looked back to see what I had left behind.   

Fast forward to today, another Tuesday. This Tuesday, however, is very different from those in the past. Although it is a cloudy day, I feel no sense of boredom or uncertainty. I am soaking up every second spent at home, knowing that a week from now I will be consumed by my studies, a new internship, and the city life. Once again I am sitting here in silence, one of my favorite sounds in the world. Mainly because it allows my mind to wander to places I never thought possible and because of this I have learned to enjoy every second of my thoughts and every moment of my life. As you may have learned, I am not a cookie-cutter life kind of girl. Creativity runs through my veins like water rushes down a stream after a rainstorm. It is my outlet. An outlet that cannot be explored from behind a desk or in front of a television. My eager face was hidden behind a wall of insecurity and doubt. That wall still exists, but has somehow diminished to something that is more manageable. I don't know where or when I will find my place to settle, and to be honest, I don't want to know.

My mom has a small statue of four birds sitting on a branch, symbolizing her four daughters. One bird, however, is spreading its wings, about to leave the branch. She always told me, "This one reminds me of you" and finally, I can agree with her. 

Another morning walk.