Listening to my heart...

This might be the most random blog post ever. Typically, I have to work up to it. I have to plan my writing session into my day's schedule, allowing plenty of time to sit and let my thoughts brew a little. However, tonight I've decided to take a new approach; no plan. So here I am, it's a Thursday night, and I have a minor headache in the works. Nothing I can't handle (thank you Excedrin). Heat is pouring out of the vent like a rushing waterfall, but I swear my fingers are still numb from being outside nearly 5 hours ago. Yeah, it's cold. And tomorrow it will be even colder, which means it will be a perfect day to stay inside and cram as much homework in as I can. My trek home earlier was a little quicker than usual because of the extreme cold and it's possible that I started to jog a few times along the way. "Don't worry people, I'm from the UP. I've got this." This is what I thought to myself as I passed other fools that were out walking. As if they were silently giving me pity or thinking I couldn't handle the temp. Oh, trust me. I can handle the temp. And if I can't handle it, I'll still keep my mouth shut. I'm not a complainer. 


Which leads me to my topic of choice for this post: how much I appreciate my small town. Actually, that was the worst transition ever. But anyway, it's amazing how much you appreciate what you've left behind when you venture out to do "bigger" and "better" things with your life.  For instance: country music used to make my blood boil. Yes, I hated it with a passion and actually most songs still make me question the person that came up with the ridiculously poor grammar ridden lyrics. But I will admit, there are a few select songs that I choose to listen to simply because they keep me connected to the place I call home home. I am no longer surrounded by pickup trucks, gravel roads, and corn fields. Instead I'm being swallowed whole by a world of overly confident, overly money-driven, and usually over dressed individuals who don't have a clue what manners are. Sure, I'm all about being successful. But I have a feeling my definition of success is slightly different than most. I do give credit to those that live for their career, awesome for you. And perhaps there are people out there that can do it all. But I've come to the conclusion that I'm not one of those people. I honestly don't need much, although I do appreciate what I have. I have no desire to surround myself with professionals in my industry, or any industry for that matter. I have no desire to climb any corporate ladder. And I have no desire to waste my time networking with people who couldn't care less about me. In fact, it all makes me sick. Money does not impress me, I don't care what labels you're wearing, and I certainly don't need anyone to tell me these things are important in life. They are not, nor will they ever be, important in my life.


What's important to me is simple. The values I left that small town with are stuck to me like glue and I'm afraid there's no way of stripping me of them, no matter how hard this city may try. I'm here for my education and I'm here for the experience. Although I have no idea where I want to go or what I want to do, I do know that I will not be influenced by my surroundings. I won't let anyone tell me what's best for me, or what I should do with this one life I have to live. I'm listening to my heart...end of story. 

Since my post was so random, I figured I would top it off with an old random picture!  

Should have held your breath...

Yep, it's true. You should have held your breath for me. You should have been waiting anxiously in the shadows, knowing that I couldn't stay away for long. Knowing that I had to break free and return to this place of serenity. One thing that I've established over the past 4 days is that I cannot live without this state of mind. This mindless, yet mindful, and creative, off the wall random mess of my thoughts that I decide to throw at you whenever I'm feeling up to it. This state of mind where I feel most at home and most stable. My apology earlier was nothing more than me doubting myself; something I tend to do more than I should (yes, it falls under the "faults" category on my self-assessment). And guess what else falls under that same label? My inability to listen to my own advice. I preach about the importance of doing what makes you your happiest you. I talk about taking that one thing that makes your heart beat fast and just running with it, not looking back. Well I'm taking my love of writing, throwing it over my right shoulder, and running as fast as I can; ultimately not making it farther than the nearest Starbucks. Which is where I am sitting now, slurping down warm coffee faster than they can brew it (yes, I do realize that it's mid-afternoon and thanks for pointing that out). I've realized that this writing thing that I do is sort of an addiction. After being without a laptop for over a week, I found myself panicking and craving writing more than ever. You see, I can't just write anywhere, at any computer (although my quick post on Friday was done at my school's library; not my number one choice of an inspirational writing location)...I have to find my place where I feel the most inspired and the most like me. Whether that place is my couch overlooking my city views, a little table at a random Starbucks, or an unknown place that I've yet to discover. Regardless, I'm here and I'm ready to rock. 


Refill please.


So I've decided that the solution to my dilemma, if we can even call it that, is simply staying ahead of the game. I have managed to stay a few steps ahead of my work, a few steps ahead of my due dates, and a few steps ahead of myself. I plan on keeping it this way and sailing through another semester of my undergrad career with 4 shining stars. As long as I remain ahead, I will have time to inhale...exhale...and write. Shouldn't we all try doing this though? This staying ahead of the game method. And by the way, I don't know what "game" they are referring to in this phrase; perhaps they just mean stuff. Staying ahead of stuff. Sure, procrastination has a tendency to battle us, and sometimes it may beat us until we're dead. But I assure you, all it takes is just doing it. Just take the time and do it. And before you know it, you are left ahead of the game...or stuff. And you are able to do whatever it is that makes your little heart race. I promise. 


Oh, and don't forget about organization. This also plays a major role, working hand-in-hand with working ahead. It is crucial to keep your life organized, prioritizing different aspects that need prioritizing. This is something I live for; organization. I find joy in physically organizing something, whether it's a cluttered room, a folder full of random items, or a drawer in my bathroom. Weird? Maybe. But what I find even weirder, and perhaps you will too, is my inability to keep my mind organized 24/7. For instance, last week when I didn't think I could possibly find time to fit writing into my "crazy busy schedule", when I thought everything was going to get the best of me, when I doubted myself. Remember that? Yeah, that was a perfect example of clutter taking over my mind. And you know how I feel about clutter. With help from my mom, we got my mind organized. We sorted through the mess of school responsibilities, deciding that I tend to put way too much pressure on myself (although I may find it hard to relieve any of that pressure, as getting straight A's is something I take pride in). We prioritized personal items in my life, putting what's most important in the foreground and pushing other things aside for later. And after spending some time arranging this and that, we ended up in a familiar place. A place that I usually end up after getting my mind in order. We ended up here, where I am my strongest and happiest me. Too often I forget to take a step back and look at this place, both physically and mentally. Note to self (and to my readers): take that step back. Take a look at your current situation and appreciate it. Because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not promised to any of us. That's my two cents for the day...and this time I will listen to my own advice. Or at least try to. 

An apology...

I should apologize well in advance. My lack of writing as much as I would like over the next several weeks is not something that I planned for. There's a little something called "college" that has almost literally slapped me in the face this semester and is demanding nearly 100% of my time and effort. Okay, it is only asking for 95% of my time; it does allow me to spend that other 5% sleeping and eating, but I have a feeling it will get greedy and not even allow that. Although my creative mind is still spinning, I will not have the proper time to sit down and let it unwind. Don't get me wrong, there may be a random Saturday morning that I will find myself the time to head to Starbucks to write (at least I'm hoping so). If not, I will try to make time for shorter posts, avoiding my sometimes 2 hour-long blog sessions. My mind will be itching to share my new experiences with you, it will be longing for that outlet. Please bare with me over the next couple of months and understand that if I could spend hours and hours writing, I would. I would do it in a heart beat. But for now, my heart is devoted to my studies. Don't give up hope; I assure you I will return sooner than you think with loads of new thoughts and new stories to share.