I have a craving...

I have been craving this. It's funny how the mind can change the meaning of your words, without giving you much notice. Maybe it's not so much the meaning as it is the context of the word. Or maybe it's just something that happens as you get older. Either way, my cravings have modified themselves and I have let them do so. This is something that has happened recently, and continues to magnify as each day passes. My cravings are no longer for what they used to be (chocolate, for example). They have more substance and are much more significant to my life right now. I find myself craving a feeling, almost as if I'm an addict. The feeling of pure independence and pride in myself. That's what I crave. Getting my fix of this feeling sends a surge of empowerment through my body and I can't help but giggle a little. I usually get my fix while walking through the streets of Chicago. Certain places give me my fix more than others; my view from the small bridge on Kinzie Ave, the walk down Clinton street, the skyline view as I step outside of my school, and walking next to the river on Wacker Drive. Just to name a few. Different versions of this feeling come along with other things as well. It acts as a side dish with things such as entering my apartment, knowing that it's no one else's but my own. Or watching boats float peacefully down the river with the busy city on either side of them. It also comes with seeing yellow taxi cabs, don't ask me why. And it comes with every moment in between the ones mentioned. I am a firm believer in doing what makes you happy. Everyone has that one thing that gives them a burning feeling in their chest. I've learned that you have to go after that one thing, no matter how bizarre it is, or what it takes to get it. You can make excuses, but they will take you nowhere. If you're not at least trying to inch your way closer, then what is the point of living this life we were handed to us? 


I have two things that make my chest burn with love and excitement. My family makes me so proud I could just cry. I see my parents, married for 30 years and still expressing more love for each other than I could ever imagine having for someone. And my three best friends, my older sisters. Each of them possessing different qualities that has led them to live their happy lives. Each of them giving me a protective brother that I never had growing up. And each of them watching out for me, their baby sis. We truly are an unbreakable unit, with more pride and confidence in each other than I can even explain.


The second thing that gives me a burning feeling in my chest is this. Right now. This experience in my life will be something I look back on and take pride in. I'm learning new things every single minute; about life, about happiness, and mostly about myself. I never thought loving myself was something that could actually be attainable, and I'm sure most people think it's out of reach. But I assure you, it is possible.