I'm a thinker...

Here I am! For those of you that were wondering, I am alive and kicking, thank you for your concerns. The past five days have been lacking a certain amount of inspiration and I found myself ending each day with a blank mind. Don't worry, my mom says this is just fine. She told me to only write if I feel it. Unfortunately, this week I never felt it, leaving me with nothing to write and you with nothing to read. It's funny how much I still turn to my mom and dad for guidance, although I know that will never change. Growing up you think there's some age that dependency on your parents will end, and it's partly true. I've been working toward releasing myself from them physically over the past couple of years and I think I've succeeded for the most part. However, the emotional dependency will always be there and I am just fine with that. So when I turned to my mom, concerned about my lack of writing my blog, I knew she would be okay with it. And there's something about getting that "it's okay" that washes any worries away, no matter how big or small. 


I've been having a hard time listening to myself lately. It's so easy to give advice, but for some reason it has been extremely difficult to take my own and run with it. It's like that overweight mother who stresses the importance of eating healthy and being active to her kids. Except, not literally. I'm definitely a thinker. Sometimes I find myself exhausted from the amount of thinking I do in a day, whether it's about a serious matter or simple everyday things. I could blame the fact that I live alone on my extreme amount of thinking, but that would be wrong. I've always been a thinker, never a talker. I'm not one to babble on and on about useless things, especially to strangers. Another thing that I learned from my mom and dad is that 'if there's nothing to say, don't say anything'. This was never forced upon us, they never literally told us to follow this rule. But it was acquired from my them somewhere along the line. And I think it is one of the most useful characteristics that I took away from them. Now don't get me wrong, we can talk. We talk when necessary and sometimes when not necessary. But we're not one of those families to shout across the house or bring annoyance upon anyone. In fact, we try to bring the opposite to each other's lives. This trait has brought contentment to my life. My family knows when to contribute their thoughts and when a simple smile is needed. 


Anyway, my thoughts send me spinning in circles sometimes. I find myself building on these thoughts and until I find an outlet (like this blog), I cannot escape. Thinking too much puts a wall up around me and I lose sight of where I am and what I'm doing here. I lose sight of the simple things that I thrive upon. I've come back down to my own level now, though. The place where I feel like myself. I've started to listen to my thoughts again, instead of just letting them swarm me like a nasty hive of bees. And I've been acting upon them instead of letting them control me. I don't entirely know what's best for me, but neither does anyone else. If I let my surroundings and my thoughts control me and my happiness, then I stop living my life for myself. And that's one thing I never want to stop doing.