My mind has been wandering, as it often does before sitting down to write. It has been wandering aimlessly and without apprehension. As it wanders, it does not smile or frown; it merely observes. It is searching for nothing and expects too much. My mind travels alone, and it travels with little baggage. My mind is taken to unexpected places, and it is forced to revisit the past year of my life. This is only fitting, as today is the last day of the year. The last chapter of another book. The last page of that chapter and the last word on that page. Today is the last day that it is acceptable, in my mind, to return to the past. Tomorrow the acceptance will depreciate and any steps backward will be frowned upon. My mind will do the frowning in this case. As of right now, though, my mind continues to wander. I let it wander. I let it return to places it has been yearning to see again, and protect it as it wanders to places it should not go. I protect my mind like a mother protects her child.
My mind wanders through the different chapters that made up the past year of my life. This year was another book on my bookshelf. However, the title of this book is left blank. Not because it doesn't deserve a title, but simply because it does not need one. My mind wanders to the first chapter in this book without a title, and finds itself in a place of comfort and stability. Although this chapter brings contentment to my mind, it does not bring satisfaction. My mind sits there, without motivation and without determination. In the beginning of this book, I found myself with a great amount of structure. For some reason, however, I felt as though I did not belong. I was a swarming beehive on a mature oak tree. As I flip through the pages of this chapter I find monotony, but I also find peace. Unfortunately, monotony took over and left me with two choices: stay in this chapter forever, or move on to the next chapter. Since no one would want to read a book with only one chapter, I found it crucial to turn the page. And so I did.
After wandering through several chapters that lack connotation, my mind stops to rest. My mind finds itself in another significant chapter, but it is carrying luggage this time. It carries a suitcase full of lessons learned and valuable memories to be put in storage. It also carries an exceptional amount of determination that was picked up somewhere along the road. As it makes its way forward, my mind experiences the thrill all over again. The thrill of the unknown and the excitement of a fresh start. My mind is vulnerable, but does not show it. My mind is fearful, but powerful. My mind wanders a little more aimlessly through this chapter, but is amazed by every new experience. Something changes during this chapter that is indescribable. It makes perfect sense in my mind, but it is impossible to put into words. This chapter will be one that is revisited by my mind for years to come. I am proud of this chapter and the amount of pride continues to grow. Turn the page.
The pages turn faster than before. My mind flips through a series of small chapters that each hold different stories. Each page is turned with anticipation, and my mind gets a thrill out of it. My eyes are wide open and my heart is racing. The pages turn as if being forced by a strong wind but my mind is okay with this and sits back to watch. It views chapters filled with hard work, and others filled with relaxation. It also views chapters of fear and melancholy, but is relieved to remember that these were brief chapters. As pages turn, my mind recalls new adventures. It recalls seeing the unseen and doing what it thought was impossible. These chapters started as a random mess of emotions, but were quickly sorted as they were revisited. My mind is without structure. But that's exactly what it needed.
The pages stop turning. At the end of this book, my mind approaches what appears to be a few blank pages. After running like crazy through the chapters before, my mind finally stops to breathe. It breathes a deep breath. It remembers what it went through to reach these blank pages and it wonders what these blank pages mean. I quickly assure my mind that these blank pages are much needed and much appreciated. These blank pages are meant to calm my mind after all the wandering it did. Perhaps these blank pages are meant for pictures, as my mind gathered several throughout its journey. Pictures are scattered on these pages to remember a year of change.
The book closes, putting my mind to rest. Receiving the award as the most exhilerating one thus far, this book is placed on my bookshelf. It sits there, standing out amongst the rest, and is already longing to be read again. And it will be read again, when the time is right. For now, though, it is time for a new book. It is time for new experiences and more unknown. I am not typically one to make resolutions at the start of a new year. However, this year I may have to make an exception. This year will be taken day by day, step by step. This year I will only walk forward, but I will hold my past near my heart. Each day will hold different meaning, and each step will be taken with a little more pride. I will make no resolutions to change myself, only to better myself. And better those around me along the way. After seeing how quickly a year truly can pass, this coming year will be documented more precisly and enjoyed more diligently.
Looking back, I realize it may be hard to top this year. It will be difficult to surpass the levels of pure happiness and pure contentment that I experienced. It will be challenging to take on more responsibility and create more pride in myself. I am up for the challenge, however. I am up for anything. I will exceed my own expectations. I promise you that. I promise that to myself.
Let's see what the year brings...and let's enjoy every second of it.
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